A guy passed me today on Route 95 in a shiny, navy blue Mercedes SL500 convertible. I thought, “Very cool.” Then I noticed the little plate installed around his rear license plate that said, “Harvard Alumni.” And I thought, “What a jerk.” I guess the car isn't enough. He's got to tell you that, "I'm so successful that I can afford this car.....plus I went to HAHVUD!” You know something? I don't think he's half a smart as he thinks he is. (Few of us are.)

Did you ever notice when driving on the highway that anyone who drives slower than you is a GD, slowpoke old fart and anyone who drives faster than you is a GD, screaming, commie, kamikaze maniac?

Bought a new do-hicky for my iPad at the Apple store today. Apple really gets it. They understand how to make the store appealing to buy things. It's bright. It's active. There are lots of knowledgeable people to help you. You can pay while sitting there talking to the sales person and not have to wait in line at the checkout area.. Buuuuuuuuuuut, they don't have a hook in the bathroom to hang up your coat while you're doing your business. (4 and a half stars out of five.)

Walmart is the exact opposite experience of the previous paragraph. No sales people ANYWHERE. If you win the lottery and do find one or two, you look their way and it's like you shined a flashlight on a bunch of cockroaches, they start scurrying away in every direction. Also if you do find one, they NEVER work in that department, but they'll be glad to get someone who'll help you. And if and when that someone comes back to help you before closing time, then I'm Albert Einstein. (You can call me Al.) SO now you have your things and you want to check out. There are 4,582 people all dressed like they dressed in the dark that morning waiting to check out and there are 3 cash registers open. Plan on a 4 to 5 hour wait to get out of there. All the time standing in line saying to yourself, “Isn't there some place else, any place else within a 200 mile drive that I could have bought whatever I have in my cart other than Walmart and saved 5 hours?” Who knows, maybe they have a hook in the men's room so you can hang up your coat. They may have a hook but, trust me, even if I had Montezuma's Revenge in spades, I'm not sinking to the 9^th portal of hell and going to the bathroom at Walmart. Not happening. But in the unlikely case they do have a hook, I'll give Walmart minus 3.5 stars out of 5. (It was going to be minus 4 stars but they may actually have a hook.)

Costco has definitely got their act together. Good selection, good pricing, a hook in the men's room and the best $1.50 hot dog deal in the galaxy. 6 out of 5 stars because the hot dog is that good.

Next time I'll talk about Home Depot.

The bride and I saw the movies Hugo and My Week with Marilyn recently. 4 stars each (out of 4). Nice to see Hollywood can make movies that are entertaining and not completely and totally mindless. I realize that at my age Hollywood isn't exactly knocking down the door to make movies for my approval but do they actually make money on the mind-numbing Adam Sandler, Ben Stiller (other than Zoolander), Eddie Murphy and Jonah Hill movies? I can feel my brain cells expiring just watching the coming attractions.

So let me see: you go to the movies, spend $22 for two tickets, spend $12 for popcorn and a drink, pray that there aren't 5 or 10 14 year old “wonders” in the theater talking, phoning and texting....or.....stay home, watch a Bluray movie from Redbox for $1.50 and microwave some popcorn for $1. Unfortunately when you stay home you do miss the opportunity to sit in the food court at the mall before the movie and watch the people. Realizing that many of the "legal" citizens that pass by have the right to vote gives me stomach pains. Thankfully, they are probably more interested in downloading an app that voting.

By the way, movies are ALWAYS rated on the 4 star methodology and hotels, motels, restaurants and Apple stores are rated on the 5 star method. I don't know why it's that way, it just is. Accept it and move on.

Being as grandparent kicks ass. You show up at the daughter's house. The silver is polished, the oven is cleaned, the drapes are pressed, the counter tops are pristine, all because you are coming to visit The Dahlin's. (it wouldn't bother me if things were left au natural but it's nice that the daughter takes the time to tidy up.) Personally, I'm there to see The Dahlin's and chat with the daughter so the condition of the house is a nice but wasted gesture for me. Anyway, you play with the kids for a couple of hours, have a snack with them, read them something and then, WHOOSH you're gone in sixty seconds. Heading home and feeling fine. Sunglasses on, radio blaring, sunroof open.......feeling fine. Now don't get me wrong, I love The Dahlin's dearly but it takes me back to the day when our youngest headed off to college. For about an hour or so Mrs. ME and I were a little out of focus, but then we realized that “OUR WORK HERE IS DONE.” Freedom is definitely not another word for something left to lose. Freedom is peace, tranquility and the American way. Now again, don't get me wrong I love The Dahlin's but in the words of MLK, “Free at last. Free at last. Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last.”

Until next time...