EULA-LA
Do you know what an End User Licensing
Agreement, a EULA, is?
Probably not unless you're a “propeller
head.” (A computer geek)
I recently bought the new iPad and
before you can set everything up in the iPad, you're asked to accept
the EULA. Now I know that everyone with a pulse and a heartbeat
AUTOMATICALLY checks the “I accept” box, like the little lemmings
that we are, but this time I looked down and saw that the EULA for
the iPad is 42 freakin' pages long. So why should that make any
difference if you're only going to check the ACCEPT box and move right
along? It makes a difference if there is something buried in those 42
pages of whereases and howsoevers that might be a little scary.
Imagine, if you will, your doorbell rings and standing there is a guy
dressed up like Bozo the Clown. You open the door and immediately he
plants a whipped cream pie right smack dab in the middle of your
unsuspecting face. After the initial shock, you cry out, “What the
____ was that all about?” And Bozo says, “Well, if you had read
page 41, paragraph 3 sentence 4, it clearly states that by accepting
the iPad EULA, APPLE, hereafter known as “the company”, shall
have the right to randomly deliver to you, hereafter known as “the
schmuck”, a pie to your proboscis, without advanced warning, at its
sole discretion. Of course I would exclaim, “But it's not fair, the
EULA is 42 pages long and I'm very busy re-arranging my sock drawer
and stuff, so how could I have possibly read it?” And Bozo says back, “You accepted the EULA, tough. Wait 'til you see what's in
store from page 34. It involves pine nuts, spray paint and an air
horn!”
And what about people who say, “I
never shop on-line. With all that stuff about identity theft, you'd
have to be a moron to put your credit card out there on the
Internet.” Oh yeah, says I. How about when you go to a restaurant
and give your credit card to the waiter/waitress and he/she
disappears with it? You just handed them your credit card. They have
your name, the card number, the expiration date and the 3 digit code
thingy on the back of the card right in their potentially crooked
little hands. Tell me that they can't go right ahead and book an all
expense paid trip to Sheboygan right there and then with that info.
Then once the trip is booked, they can hand the card back to you and
wish you “Happy Trails.”That's identity theft and you are party
of the first part. The only thing working in your favor is who the
hell would want to go to Sheboygan anyway?
How is it you can wait 15-20 minutes in a 3 mile backup on the Southeast Expressway and then finally come to where the supposed accident, as reported on the radio, was and find nothing there? There's no cars. There's no police. There's no wreckage. No debris. No ambulance. No blood. No cat up a tree, nothing. Must be Yankee fans.
Could someone please explain to me the
positive principle behind the statute of limitations laws? I mean do
criminals have a lobby? “Yes, congressman, here's $50,000. We want
you to approve a law that says if we commit a crime, just about any
crime, the more heinous the better, you can only prosecute us for
that crime if you catch us within 15 years, no make that 10, no make
that 7 years. Yeah, 7 years, that's the ticket.” And the
Congressman (or any other law maker at any level) says, “Makes
sense to me. You've got my vote. And by the way make it a $100,000
and I'll support a statue of limitations for 72 hours.” Seriously,
why is there any limit? You commit a crime and, if you get caught and
convicted, you pay the price. Why does the penalty for a crime
magically disappear after X number of years? Are the politicians
criminally stupid? (see definition of rhetorical question.)
Those who know me know that I am not
the handiest guy in the whole world. But I try and I guess that that
is what is most important. I mean going to Home Depot for me is like
being from Mesopotamia and walking into the Library of Congress. So,
I'm repainting the son's old bedroom and I want a nice color of light
blue paint, the same color they show in the brochure of 4,296,388
colors and hope you can pick one out. The bride and I picked out
the color and I head to Home Depot to buy it. Now I can find the
paint aisle no problem. It's the one with the 8 foot sign over the
aisle that says PAINT. I'm cool so far. Now I start looking for a
gallon can that says Robin's Egg, Mid Dawn, Carolina Tar Heel, Paul
Newman Eyes Blue. And I look and I look and then I looked again. No
REMDCTHPNE blue gallon can o' paint. So I do what any Providence
College educated individual of sensible standing would do....I went
to the paint counter and asked for help. The gentlemen was very
helpful when I told him what I was looking for and he told me that he
would mix it right up for me. I said to myself, “Mix it up? Mix it up? They
mix up Robin's Egg Mid Dawn Carolina Tar Heel Paul Newman Eyes Blue
paint. They don't have it on the shelf, you idiot.” So the nice
man, said to me, “You didn't think that we had it on the shelf, did
you? We'd have to have a warehouse the size of the Pentagon just for
paint.” I chuckled, guffawed, hemmed and hawed like a buffoon who
just got caught being overdrawn in the checking account for brains
department. “No, of course you mix it up right here. No idiot or
Yankee fan would ever think that you carried 4,296,388 kinds of paint
on the shelf.” I got my paint and got out of Home Depot like I was
qualifying for the Boston Marathon. Can't wait for when I go back to
Home Depot to buy the 2 by 4's for the bride's garden. What an
adventure that's going to be. Stay posted.
I got
a burning permit at the town fire station last week. And I was really
disappointed when I found out last Thursday that I couldn't burn. It
had something to do with the fact that the temperature that day was going to be 80° and it
hasn't rained since the Truman administration. But I thought it was
pretty cheezy on the part of the Fire Chief to cancel my opportunity
to burn when I wanted to. I have rights you know. Who the hell does
he think he is trying to save the town from a raging conflagration
probably started by me? Understand that gathering and burning brush involves two
things that I'm really not that strong at: a chainsaw and fire. (See previous paragraph regarding painting and
Home Depot.) On a serious note, if you're working outside in the
brush cutting and dragging stuff around you really ought to be
wearing safety glasses.
Topic
for next time: My snow blower and me – A love/hate relationship.
I just
downloaded the users manual for my new iPad. It's 233 pages long. By
the time I finish reading it, the new new iPad will be out. At least
there's no EULA for it!
I
can't tell you how much I recommend the Steve Jobs biography written
by Walter Isaacson. Not only is it a fascinating study of what a
genius/maniac Steve Jobs was, but also it's an incredible history of
the personal computing industry from the very early days back when
the first personal computers were invented to the present day
development of the new iPhone and the new iPad. One interesting
segment was the discussion when Steve Jobs brought the recording
industry executives to the table to talk about allowing individuals
to buy and download single songs from the Internet. The recording
industry was not in favor of doing something like that but Steve Jobs
got them to agree. The book states that they forecasted 1 million
song downloads in the first six months. As it turned out, they
recorded 1 million downloads in the FIRST SIX DAYS. As a matter of
fact, the iTunes Store recently recorded its 25 BILLIONTH
download. Like I said Steve Jobs was a genius, I won't get into the
maniac part.
Daughter
#2 recommended an excellent book that I'm reading: The Happiness
Project by Gretchen Rubin. I'll let you guess at what the book's
about. There are a lot of great sayings in the book. Anyone who knows
me, knows that I have more sayings than the Rubaiyat by Omar Khayyam.
Here's a couple: “People don't notice your mistakes as much as you
think.” And “What you do every day
matters more than what you do once in a while.”
And my personal favorite, “When the student is ready, the teacher
will appear.” Check it out, I think you'll like it.
Until
next time...
